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Luckily for you, the bar for men on dating apps is truly subterranean, so you don’t have to change much about your approach to make a big impact, and I’m going to tell you exactly how to do it. Dating apps require someone to like one photo enough to look at more photos of you, and then like a good first picture.

Everyone who’s been on a dating app for more than two days has lamented how unfair the whole process is, as if they didn’t know that dating favors hot people. This is an entirely made up figure, but 87% of your profile is your first picture.

Either you pose holding a massive bottle of champagne at a club and seem like kind of an asshole, or you post a 2006 Facebook profile picture of you holding up the leaning tower of Pisa with your pointer finger and you come off as kind of a loser. What selfies—especially when there’s more than one—communicate is, “No one is willing to hang around me, so I’m the only person who takes photos of myself.” Which, might be true, but won’t sell you as a person to get to know. Put information in your bio about what you like to do—your job (just don’t use the words “grind” or “hustle” ever), your hobbies, whatever—just give an idea of who you are.

I’m not saying this to be mean, but rather to illustrate the line you’re trying to walk. Again, don’t use your bio to call out things you don’t like about women, “won’t date anyone with tattoos,” “if you don’t have a good ass swipe left, etc.” That’s douchey.

If you'd prefer to keep your photo of you next to a Ferrari or winning 14th place in a World of Warcraft competition, then be my guest—I will not deny that there are lids for all pots—but I guarantee you'll get more matches if you head to the middle of the spectrum here. What this means when you message: Embrace flirting!

While I personally think we’d all be better served by extricating ourselves entirely dating apps, I also appreciate that they’re occasionally useful for getting laid, checking out the new bar in your neighborhood, or you know, finding your soulmate.

It’s boring, and I don’t know who is looking for a boring person to get drinks with.

Use your bio to posit a question, share a weird fact (that isn’t sexual) about yourself, or give an idea of who you are and what you like to do.

Instead, try telling people what you’re like in a playful way. “I listen to Christmas music all year round,” or “I can teach you to drive stick shift,” are great examples that also give your fellow swipers something to message you about.

What this means when you message: Don’t be overly eager to meet up with a woman; if we’ve only messaged 4 times within the app, I’m almost certainly not ready to meet you face-to-face yet.

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